


a thousand and one ways to not get along

by oblivioluna



Series: My Nemesis, The Bane of My Existence [3]
Category: Purple Hyacinth (Webcomic)
Genre: "The 'We Need To Get Along Shirt'", F/M, TW: Waffles, The 'Lovers' Part of 'Enemies to Lovers', i will not apologize for any of this, personified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24158677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oblivioluna/pseuds/oblivioluna
Summary: "Day six, and you're still as insufferable as I thought you were.""I can get worse, if you'd like," Kieran teases.Lauren glares at him for what feels like the thousandth time that day. "Don't."
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White
Series: My Nemesis, The Bane of My Existence [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742629
Comments: 5
Kudos: 79





	a thousand and one ways to not get along

It comes to a head, eventually.

Both Lila and Lukas couldn't stand the daily disruptions to their lives, and Kym was this close to getting caught - not for watermelon thievery, but for being a co-conspirator to the 'Egg Witch' causing immense property damage to one of Texas's most secluded Waffle Houses. Even Will, with the patience of a saint, had broken up with Lauren, claiming it was for the best.

Oddly enough, Lauren hadn't been upset about the whole ordeal. Will was someone she'd settled for, and besides, she sees the way he looks at Ladell anyway.

For now, she has bigger problems to focus on - problems that involve a possible boot from the police precinct due to temper problems and minor first-degree crimes.

"The manager of that Waffle House wants to sue, Lauren."

"I wasn't the one that harassed a customer until she had no choice but to duke it out with a potato peeler," Lauren reminds Hermann smoothly. "Also, he was a co-conspirator in that Cane's incident."

"He was a _chicken,_ Lauren, and had nothing to do with the hundred pounds of cocaine we found in Reed's car."

"Then you've already made your decision as to what to do with me, then?"

Hermann sighs.

(She is very aware he would very much like to fire her then and then.)

"Tristan...advocated for you, again," he grits out. "So we've come up with a solution."

Lauren remains silent. Of course her uncle would step in at the last moment; she detests nepotism, but in this case, she's actually rather grateful he's done so. The look in Hermann's eyes sends chills down her spine, however.

"You're going to apologize to that head chef. Sincerely. And he is going to apologize to you. And Kym has arranged for you two to make reparations for approximately seven days worth."

As if on cue, the sergeant bursts into the room, clutching an XL-sized shirt that spells out 'GET ALONG SHIRT'.

"This'll work," she says, with the most devious smile on her face.

Lauren resists the urge to scream right then and there.

____

_**DAY ONE** _

Lauren will not talk to Kieran.

Kieran will not talk to Lauren.

"You're too close," she grits out.

"We are literally handcuffed together and sharing a shirt," Kieran growls. "Would you like eggs to go with your request, Sinclair?"

She promptly slaps him in the face.

(That ends their silence.)

____

_**DAY TWO** _

Lauren has learned how to crack an egg open with one hand. She considers it one of her greatest accomplishments.

Kieran will not stop scoffing whenever she does it, and constantly groans about how he's missing work at the Waffle House and about how he could do it much better and how Lauren possesses no cooking skills whatsoever. (The last part is true, but she will not let him onto the truth if she has anything to say about it at all.)

It's made worse by the fact that they now share her apartment together, and whenever she goes up to make fried eggs - mainly to taunt the chef - she has to drag Kieran along with her, who whines about being interrupted in the middle of his sketches. Somehow, he's learned how to draw with both hands, and Lauren must admit his charcoal sketches aren't absolutely terrible.

"So you decided to throw a temper tantrum in my kitchen for naught, officer?"

"I liked seeing you helpless," she admits, looking straight at him as the egg hits the oil in the pan. "Also, you can't chop carrots to save your life, _chef._ "

"Wait until I get out of these handcuffs," Kieran says, a sinister look in his blue eyes. "We'll see who can actually cook."

"You wanna bet?"

"Twenty, darling, and an extra ten that you'll have to apologize for real after I'm the first to get out."

"Fifty you cry after I get out first," she croons. "Game on."

____

_**DAY THREE** _

Neither of them get out.

Austin's temperatures go up to 95 degrees.

They are stuck fanning themselves while trying not to pass out from the heat. 

(They cannot separate more than two inches, and whine about it for five hours.)

(Kym and Will both yell and them to shut up or they will kill both of them, and they do, indeed, shut up.)

____

_**DAY FOUR** _

"I'm going to die," Lauren says, looking down at their shirt.

"I'm going to die first, officer."

"Who messed up my eggs in the first place?"

"Who attacked me with potato peelers?"

"You are a Waffle House chef. Why the hell did you even screw up my eggs for the twentieth time?"

"Some questions don't have answers, Sinclair," Kieran says, slamming the X button on the Playstation controller in his hands. "You're dead by the way."

Her avatar is indeed dead on-screen.

"Aw, are you upset? Want to switch back to a Wii, maybe?"

Lauren promptly shoves a pillow in his face.

____

**_DAY FIVE_ **

"The gun mechanics in this game aren't even realistic," Lauren drawls as she sucks on an ice pop. "There's no recoil. And where do the bullets even go? There's no space. I told you we should've stuck to Halo."

"You made your bed, now lie in it," mutters Kieran, with the blue tip of his own ice pop poking out of his mouth. "We should've chosen Super Mario over this."

"Are you joking? The Sonic franchise is obviously superior."

He looks at her. It is the same look he gave her when she first walked into that Waffle House, painfully unaware of what she was about to get into. "None except Colors."

"Colors is a classic. Who the hell is going to diss Colors?!"

Silence.

"Did we just-"

"That is the only thing we're going to agree on," Lauren says, shoving another pop in her mouth. "And now you're dead."

"You're cheating!"

"Maybe it's because I actually know how to shoot," she teases, nudging him as she reloads her gun.

____

**_DAY SIX_ **

"Are you going to draw me like one of your French girls, or what?"

Kieran looks up from his sketchbook. Lauren is next to him, toweling off her hair. They can't bathe together, because that would be incredibly awkward, so the two of them are left to sponge bathe while the other isn't looking. The 'GET ALONG' part of their 'GET ALONG SHIRT' label is soaked to the bone. "You've been looking at me for ten minutes now. Losing inspiration?"

"No, I'm just wondering why you haven't cleaned that speck of dirt on your face."

"Liar," she mutters, sliding the towel over her shoulders. "Day six, and you're still as insufferable as I thought you were."

"I can get worse, if you'd like," Kieran teases.

Lauren glares at him for what feels like the thousandth time that day. "Don't." She leans closer to him, and Kieran detects the faint scent of sandalwood and flowers off of her shampoo. He's been drawing the apartment for the past thirty minutes in meticulous detail, but is seconds away from giving up. He hasn't had a live subject in weeks, except for-

"Do it. Or are you too much of a coward to actually draw me?"

"I could mess you up, you know. On purpose."

"Oh, I'm aware." She leans her head on her hand, cocking an eyebrow his way. "Do your worst."

The finished product takes ten minutes. 

Golden eyes, auburn hair. A look he can't quite discern, but a face he'd never forget.

Lauren sees his sketch of her, and says nothing.

Silence - although it is charged differently this time.

"I have a confession to make."

"Spit it out, darling."

"You crashed my car when you were working at Cane's. That's why I named you my nemesis."

Silence.

(It is not the same.)

"You were the lady with the middle f-"

Lauren holds up his pencil in response, and Kieran's mouth clamps shut.

"I'll pay for the car."

"You better."

____

**_DAY SEVEN_ **

At approximately eleven at night, Lauren and Kieran decide to make waffles. 

For once, they don't kill each other over it, and manage to make a decent batch. That doesn't stop her from relentlessly teasing Kieran over his ability to flip the waffle maker, though.

"You're turning it too fast, here-"

"I'm not the one who's not a Waffle House chef-"

"You really shouldn't be one," Lauren murmurs, gripping the handle. "What about your artistic talent?"

"Gave up on that a while ago."

"Then you're being stupid," she says, looking at him. The light from the oven stove casts a golden light in her eyes. Kieran does not look away, and pulls his hand from the handle once he realizes they're touching.

"Sorry," she mutters under her breath.

"It's nothing."

Silence.

More silence.

Lauren's eyes widen as they realize simultaneously that they have broken out of their handcuffs.

_____

They discard the waffles for a shower.

(Three days later, Kym and Will promptly open and shut the door in a matter of seconds when they find the two tangled together on a couch, snoring away together.)

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @volonxite  
> ko-fi: [ here](https://ko-fi.com/obliviolunaiswriting)


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